Nostalgia

I was working today at the coffee shop and thinking about how bored I am with the job. It was a slow day, so I had time to be dissatisfied. My mind began drifting to flashes of the streets of Antigua Guatemala. The cobblestone streets, the spanish colonial architecture. Glimpses of memories in the rain, in the sun, in the cool of evening and in the moonlit night time.

Antigua had a special place in my heart before I went back to Guatemala. On my first trip I found adventure and beauty there, and when I returned I found it again. It became the escape destination. The place you went to when you just had to get away from Guate, when you needed a break, some comfort or safe adventure.

Perhaps that is why I was thinking about it.
As I closed up shop, my mind continued to replay memories, but it wasn't real events, just pictures and the way a place felt.

Its been a little over three months since I left Latin America and I miss it.
I miss hearing the Spanish language, and find myself listening eagerly when I hear conversations now. I miss the unfamiliar, the new sights and experiences. The constant feeling that you are either learning something new about the world, or about yourself, and the evidence surrounds you.  I miss the people I met, the people I lived and worked with in Guatemala, but also the hundreds of people I met while traveling.  I miss the weather and the idea that it wont become dismal and gray and wintery.

There is a sense of loss now. Not just of places I've left behind and probably will never visit again, but also of who I was in those places. Of who I was, because I was adventuring through them.

Its too soon to say I am ready to leave again, but I am definitely aware that many of the reasons I left haven't changed too much, and that I may not find the parts of me, or the things I am looking for in life, here...

The End

Tomorrow is likely my last day in Latin America for quite a while. I've spent almost exactly 52 weeks and visited 9 countries in South America, as well as 5 more here in central (including Mexico). 

I had a number of goals for this last year one of which was to explore a bunch of places with different cultures, histories and experiences to offer. I feel pretty good about what I have seen and done in regards to that. I am really grateful for the opportunities I've had, and I've tried my best to respect and honor that gift by learning about places, seeking out educational resources, buildings and books and people, and also occasionally doing strange things like jumping off cliffs, going into caves and volcanoes, climbing mountains and even eating strange foods (it's happened a couple times). 

My spanish has improved to the extent that there are many words and phrases that automatically translate when I see or hear them, but not so much to the extent that I understand or can respond in every day situations. I feel like I'm in a good place that if I wanted to I could quickly build upon this base knowledge, but I've found that my desire to learn has depleted along with my desires to explore and adventure. 

I had a goal of living and working in another country... That one lasted about 4.5 months and in some ways it was a wonderful experience, but it was also invaluable in that it made me have to be honest again but what I actually care about and value. I realized within a week that I could not easily change my teaching philosophy, nor my personality to meet the needs of the school. Even more I realized I wasn't as thrilled to be teaching as I had in the past. It helped me realize that for now at least, I would prefer to venture into the unknown and take on new or different projects then the ones I've been preparing for these last 10 years or so. 

As far as living in another country... Guatemala is a beautiful place, but when you choose a place to live there is a lot more to consider than just -is there a job there. As much as I can enjoy big cities (San Salvador and Tegucigalpa were great) I found living in Guatemala City to be exhausting, isolating and occasionally grating, at best the city itself offers some history, a few lovely spaces and a lot of commercial comfort, but it is not a place Id want to raise children, or start a new business. It's not a place id choose to build my dreams around, and I think many of the people who do do so by default or lack of choice. 

That being said there are areas I didn't explore, millions of people I didn't meet and I'm sure at least a million awesome things I am unaware of... But this was my experience living here. 

I've said it before and I will say it again, the best part though of course was the people.  It's become too easy for my jaded self to move on, but at the same time, I'm moving on feeling pretty loved and feeling a lot of love for my friends here. I don't know how to make the most of it, or if trying would even make sense. I'm an old man, and I know that relationships change, wax and wane, but I am really glad I got to meet these people, be challenged and smiled at. It's nice playing a role in their lives and seeing the effect of their personalities on my own. I know I will be thinking of them often in the future, and imagining the place on the earth they are exploring, and wondering how they are doing there (whether we are in contact or not). 

At some point I may add photos and videos, use some color,add some links... But I think that's pretty much it

Goodbye Guatemala 

El Salvador not Salvador or del Salvador

What to say...

I spent my time in El Salvador on two different planes (not the flying kind), I was sort of caught up in the ideas of future and the enjoyment of the present. 

Logistically I visited a few towns and cities with hard to pronounce names like Juayua and Chalchuapa, as well as the more recognizable San Salvador. I mostly stayed in the northern part of the country, crossing from the East at the Honduran border over to San Salvador and then up into Guatemala. 

I found vibrant and beautiful murals and artwork in most of the cities, ranging from the graffiti walls of the capital to the cartoonish style of La Palma. I found amazing museums in San Salvador which contained beautiful works of art, depictions of history and stories from the war and progressive movements. 

I learned a little about how difficult it was to establish the name of El Salvador as opposed to just Salvador which would make more sense. 

I walked the streets of small towns, mountains towns, plains towns, Jungly towns, as well as the malls, the street mercados and suburban looking areas of the city.  

I made friends. Sipped a tiny amount of moonshine. Ate a ton of sorbet. Drank some really good coffee, and some that was just ok. I didn't eat any papusas, the salvadorian food staple. I used a lot of bug spray and still got bitten. I ate at many american restaurants including benihana but even though I paid in american dollars every single meal was cheaper.

I actually really liked San Salvador, and some of the little towns. It was probably better because I had someone to talk to who didn't mind me rambling on all the time. 

But I think it may also have been made better because of where my head was at. I was excited again, because I knew I was leaving soon. 

I am currently back in Guatemala City leaving on Thursday and it feels a little rushed, but a week ago it felt like completing a grand project, it felt good. And though I probably didn't give thanks enough in the moment, it felt good to know that I was wrapping something up, and I was able to slow down just a little and enjoy it more than I had been.

And then there was the other thing. 

A while back I dreamed that I was going to die in El Salvador, I didn't know when or where (other than the specific block and the feel of the plaxe), but I assumed it would just happen at some point. And this too felt a little like completing a grand project, wrapping it up nice and neat. 

And so each day as I walked around, I looked for the spot that the premonition had made me aware of... And I saw a lot of places that looked similar enough, the lighting just right, the feel in the air the same... In reflecting I was aware that of all the places I've seen, the dream really did look the most like El Salvador, not any of these other places (though I haven't ruled it out entirely) Part of me thought it was assured, the other laughed at that.  It didn't keep me from exploding, in fact I probably explored more, just testing the limits of the feel of it.  But I never felt the panic I had had in the dream, and nothing violent ever happened, and each day as it didn't happen, I became more and more resigned to enjoy the new life that was approaching. 

I don't have any clue what is coming next. I don't know if my life is going to take some dramatic turn, or if it will become more boring and routine. I am kind of looking forward to small, un-"exciting" things more than grand gestures. I am looking forward to grocery shopping, walking or biking familiar paths, taking some time for new hobbies.

I've been considering where I am supposed to be, and since the premonition hasn't come true yet, I've concluded I'm supposed to be doing what I'm doing, called to the things I'm feeling called to. 

I don't know what comes next... And if something should happen, then that is supposed to happen, and I think that will be good.

Highlands

After Tegucigalpa I moved northwesterly to the former capital of Honduras, a small extremely hot town called Comayagua. There wasn't much to do but walk around and get sorbet (which has basically been my lifeline to sanity in all of these ridiculously hot places). I checked out the main church, walked around the historic center and visited a small gallery at the cultural center. 

I took off bright and early the next morning to visit La Esperanza, apparently the highest city in Honduras. Like the small towns I visited after, la Esperanza didn't have much. Checked out the city center, a small church cave on top of a hill and then moved on to the one time capital of Central America. Gracias is another small town, there are a few churches and a small fort at the top of the hill, but once again it was church and sorbet before heading out the next morning to another small town, called Santa Rosa de Copan. The main part of town is a 6-7 block hike up a steep hill. Locals know to take the shuttle van or a taxi, mike is not a local. Santa Rosa had the same basic things but I stayed in a nice hotel for $20 and had my first and second hot shower in about 2.5 weeks.

There was also cable TV and more sorbet. Finally on my way out of Honduras I stopped in Ocotepeque, walked around a bit, had lunch and moved to the border.

The Honduran highlands are beautiful, but the towns don't offer a whole lot. Most people don't speak english and the tourist economy isn't all that built up. 

On the way out of Gracias I met a man who had grown up in the states but now lived in Honduras. We spent a bus ride together while I asked him questions regarding Honduran culture and to confirm suspicions I had about he country.  He told me a lot, and offered a number of visions he had for the future, but also seemed to have a similar understanding of the country being sort of stuck.

One thing he said that seemed to be changing  things for the better was access to the Internet. He said that Hondurans have long been undereducated and a little too gullible. He said that as an oral culture people often share stories and exaggerate their experiences. Over time the exaggerations paired with lack of education made people rather superstitious and illogical. People wouldn't question or analyze the information their were given so it became quite easy to take advantage of the poor and the farmers. Now with Internet, people are starting to fact check, ask questions and analyze the answers they're given. He hopes that Overtime, this will lead to a society that values knowledge, and desires leaders who follow through on their word. 

After my time in he Honduran highlands I entered the el salvadorian highlands today visiting the town of la Palma. 

Pictures to come. 

I am currently in the town is Suchitoto and there is a giant spider in the shower. 

Dangerous cities

I'm in Tegucigalpa, supposedly one of the most dangerous cities in the world. The thing is that the danger hype in all of these cities usually keeps people away. And sometimes that's sad. 

Yesterday I walked down to the historic center of the city. I didn't see any white people the whole day, but I did see an amazing museum, a couple of cool churches, a thousand Hondurans just living their lives.  I didn't walk into any super sketchy areas, it was day time and I wasn't in any place that was super isolated... So it felt really safe the whole day.

Today I woke up after sleeping in, realized there was no water in the normally ice cold shower and so set out to the mall in the same dirty clothes with dirty hair and all... 

I walked in the direction of the biggest mall, over some massive hills, through some suburb looking places, then past a street that was closed off by police. 

I kept going not realizing that street was the street I was looking for...

So I went about 3 miles down the road in the wrong direction, checked out some other neighborhoods and eventually turned around heading home. I decided that I could take a different route since I hadn't found my mall, and I might as well explore some more of the city. 

I ended up in a variety of Colonias (upper class neighborhoods), eventually finding the big mall. I watched the new terminator movie and ate an auntie Annie's pretzel, then headed back to the hostel once again trying a new route.  This time it was getting dark and a lot of businesses were closed, eventually I found my way, and everything turned out well. I looked on the map of tegucigalpas and realized Id been to a huge part of the city all accidentally. If I hadn't explored and potentially risked getting jumped I wouldn't have seen much at all. 

The reality is that when you can't go down alleys, and need to stick to high pedestrian areas, you still see these huge swaths of (usually) commercial areas. You see the public areas and stare down the street at the neighborhoods from there. It's not entirely different from the things you'd do at home.  Unless you're like me and like getting lost(as I did today a few times), most people stick to the routes they know, the main roads, the highways etc.   I got to do that in Managua and Guate, got to do that in Lima, São Paolo and Bogotá, it's nice... And so is getting a little lost in some neighborhoods (when everything turns out ok).  

Anyway... I'm glad I came to Tegus - as they call it. 

I'm headed to Comayagua tomorrow (pronounced differently than one would expect).  

Which reminds me of two things: 

1) Hondurans and Nicaraguans have not been as friendly as Mexicans and Guatemalans, perhaps they are more laid back and so they don't jump to say hi, or maybe they don't want to deal with tourists... Or maybe I look grubby. 

2) Nicaraguan and Honduran accents are way different than Guatemalan and Mexican. Like they drop letters and things... It's so hard to understand sometimes.  Spanish is supposed to be this language where every letter has a sound and yet in these places they don't pronounce some of the letters, or they pronounce them differently. 

Comayagua should be like coma-ya-Goo a...but here it's like coma-ya-wa

Types of travel

I've been seeing many more women traveling in Central America than in other places. Especially the last few days there have been more women than men in the area. 

Looking at the type of travel, in these areas there are more projects, volunteer opportunities, mission groups etc.

I wonder if the difference is based on an idea of security or purpose, or a mix?

If men felt less secure, would they choose to travel through volunteer opportunities more often? Would it be less selfishly oriented? (Not tha volunteer trips aren't sometimes selfish). 

Just a thought

Ometepe

I got scammed on the way to this island, so my first impression wasn't the best. Then I spent the night lazying about because there was nothing to do after dark except drink a coke and read a book.

Last night I could barely sleep because the room was so damn hot and sticky. 

This morning I woke to an empty hostel, one woman sweeping the floor who said she couldn't rent me a towel and my clothes were still wet from yesterday.

So... I woke up in a generally foul mood as well. 

Then I rented a scooter and though scary, I got to see a portion of the island, the vibrancy of the plants, the craziness of the animals... And for a while I felt better. 

It's still hot, and I am generally in a funk that is likely being prolonged by the heat, but it was a beautiful day. A little expensive since I scratched the paint on my way to the museum, but still it was mostly a good day.