10 Ideas/Rules to Help You Survive and Enjoy Your Jungle Trek

I will likely post extra photos in the next day or two but until then here are 10 rules or ideas to remember when you are in the jungle.

1) Breathe. 

The descent into the jungle will take your breath away, whether it's the crazy turns back and forth through the cloudforest mountains, the dense humidity on your jungle hikes, or the spectacular views you will be breathless. Remember to breathe... Slowly... Calmly... Everything is better when you can get a little air in you. 

But remember NOT to breathe in the bugs... Because they will fly down your throat and up your nose and while you are caughing up a lung everyone else will just be hoping it doesn't happen to them (again).

Ooh cloud forest

ooh even more cloud forest

view of the jungle and river from slightly above

the jungle is so dense and humid that your photos turn out like this

2) Look up, look down, repeat.

The truth is that there are a million things to see all around you, but you will only be focused on two. The things that are hanging: spider webs, vines, leaves, snakes, branches etc. and the things beneath your feet: spider webs, vines, leaves, snakes, branches etc... 

No but seriously there will be a colorful spikey caterpillar beneath your boot and if you don't pay attention you will squash him and his lifeless body will go to the ants. 

one of many colorful spikey catepillars

Or a possibly poisonous snake squirming to get away and he will attack you if you step on him but otherwise you're ok. 

And the rocks and the mud and the leaves that hide things, and the 24 hour ant that if he bites you will leave you with an excruciating sting for 24 hours.

spikey trees... geez you thought you had enough to worry about with the catepillars

And the roots that trip you, and the army ants,  and well let's just say running head first into a branch because you're too busy looking down will happen... So

3) Embrace the Big Boots.

The big rubber boots will not be in your size, that's okay because when they are big they cover more area.

these boots were made for walking... across rivers, up hills, through the jungle and protecting you from snakes!

These boots are not a fashion statement, they are instead a life saving technology that is far more crucial to your survival than wifi. So embrace them. Even when they don't quite cover enough of your leg in the river and instead become a sort of full bath that you are carrying with you - wet socks and all.

4) Earplugs or learn to love the buzz.

You will find the jungle is as loud as any urban setting. However instead of car alarms and barking dogs you will hear the buzz.  The buzz is infuriating on multiple levels and will drive you mad. The far away buzz is the cicadas and grass hoppers. The loudest buzz is the horse flies and the unidentifiable wasps that look like they will kill you with one sting. These two will either buzz by one ear and then the other or leave you in a state of panic that is in-curable. The other buzz is the myriad of little flying things, Beatles, smaller flies, Mosquitos, and things you can't identify but scare the hell out of you. This is ordinary and is happening to everyone around you but you won't notice because you are too busy freaking out. The buzz is present day and night, but under your mosquito net you may feel safe except for the random crazy noises that happen in the night. And the ever present frog that sounds like a flock of ducks. 

is this the frog? or is it one of his hundreds of buddies?

The last of the real noises is the birds. Not so much a buzz or quack, these are the song birds that learn languages. So when you are walking through the jungle or on a boat on the river- you will assume monkeys are making that crazy screech or r2d2 beeping noise... 

But you are mistaken because it will always be some type of very colorful bird.    Always.    Bet on it gringo.

5) Laugh, because it's better than crying.

Hey remember how you got 2 gallons of water in your pants, soaking your socks? Time to laugh. 

Remember the buzzing that makes you want to go crazy.

Time to laugh.

Remember the frog duck that has kept you up for two hours?

Time to laugh.

Remember how you tripped on that root and landed on your now thuroighness bruised butt?

Time to laugh.

Remember the things to come on his poorly organized list?

Time to laugh. 

Remember how this sign is always hilarious?

Time to laugh.

6) Bug Spray

Did I mention the buzz? I used two different kinds and still got bit like 15 times.

I itch everywhere. What would have happened if I hadn't gone through a whole bottle of big spray in 3 days?

Bug spray everywhere! Your shoes, socks, pants, underpants, shirts, hats, hands... I got the most bites immediately proceeding a shower. I had mistakenly thought the clothes I put back on contained enough big spray already. I was so wrong. I thought my pants and shoes had enough so I didn't spray my socks... Right in the middle of lunch a horse fly bit me through my sock.

Bug spray is as important as water in the jungle. Speaking of water...

7) Everything is wet and sticky

Look it's 95 degrees and humid. You are in the jungle. Everything is wet including every inch of cloth on your body. Take a shower put some more damp clothes on.  You put on something dry? Wait 5 minutes. Between the dampness in the air and your sweat (the heat and the nervousness) it will be wet.  Not to mention you have to spray it with bug spray.

that sheen on my skin is the glow of jungle sweat,

that look on my face is the look of jungle panic

You will fall asleep totally exhausted, and wake up in panic because you are dripping. Your sheets and mosquito net will stick to you. 

This is reality now...see #5

8) The light and the dark 

A night hike to see the snakes and caimans and jaguars sounds like a great idea until you hear the buzz, until you're drenched in sweat and bug spray, until you realize just how limited your flash light really is at covering both above and below you. you thought it would be great to get out of the direct 95 degree sunlight which has been blinding you all day through the small cracks in the canopy...

sweet sweet chocolate comes from this tree, but who would know in the jungle

but then you noticed just how small those cracks are. The sun is setting and the buzz and the bird sounds are taking on a whole new terrifying meaning. Above the canopy it still looks like daylight but with the limited light you have you cant tell the roots from the leaves from the mud from the snake apart anymore. 

these guys buddies will see you later, IN THE DARK!

You turn on your headlamp which you love because it means where ever you look is flooded with mediocre light... But here come the flying things. The moths and flies and suddenly you are that much more terrified by the things that buzz in the night and are coming right for your face!

9) There is no good way, but there is a worse way.

Hey your guide is awesome at pointing out things you wouldn't see even if he gave you his telescope thing... And he does give you his telescope thing regularly to help point them out.

this is the guide showing us a termite hive

But the truth is you are going nuts searching the ground and the air, and ignoring the buzz and the sweat and the itch on your back... So he will be 15 feet ahead of you and you will sometimes feel completely all on your own.

keep up or you will be left behind...

So remember to try to follow the path(if there is one) and guess ok... 

the goo from this tree will heal you... if you can remember which tree

There is no good way to avoid all the little potential awful things...but there is certainly a worse way. So avoid falling on your face... Or getting eaten... Or being bitten by a snake that will kill you in 7 hours depending on body weight and your breathing (slow calm and bugless is better) and just remember

10) The jungle is the jungle 

When you are there you realize very quickly that the ecosystem is in constant competition. Everything is trying to kill everything or get the competitive advantage by teaming up at the deadliest killing machine.

this monkey is thinking about how to eat you

this tree pairs up with the killer ants, attack the tree and you will die

The decay and death provides the nutrients for everything above it, which is why rainforest soil is so poor. In the end everything goes to the ants and perhaps the cannabalistic trees.

this tree ate another tree!!

And you will too if you don't keep clean, wear bug spray and get out as soon as possible.

Ok These ten truths aside. The jungle is incredible. We stayed mostly in the Cultural Zone of Manu National Park, 

this is area is basically designated for tourists and we got to see a lot of awesome things including a ton of birds, bugs and some sweet mammals (tapirs, capybaras and several types of monkeys). Oh and tons of cool plants.

some of these trees are 500 years old

We also got to check out a animal refuge for animals that are either rehabilitating or cannot return to the wild. The animals are fairly free to go as they please... Which meant lots of jumping on you, occasionally biting you, and lots of wrestling amongst themselves. 

this dudes friend bit me on the foot!

I am glad to not live in the jungle. While on the walks we were occasionally playing hypothetical games like what would be worse living in the jungle or... 

Or if you could live for 20 extra years but had to live in the jungle would you... 

Collectively besides the food from an excellent cook, most of us seemed to concur that the best part of the jungle is being on the boats staring at the water ( destined for the Amazon and eventually the atlanic ocean) or at the banks where you can see the jungle but can't quite hear it. 

Oh and the wrestling match...

a monkey a dog and a south american raccoon walk into a refuge...